In late January, I needed a new ritual, so I decided to go to the movies every Friday night. In my town in Ohio, any movie starts between 6:45 and 7:30 and ends around 9:45. I sneak in a burrito or Kroger sushi for dinner and he buys $3 theatrical nachos as refills and penance. I told my friends that they could come if they wanted. Otherwise, I’ll go solo.
I quickly fell in love with my new strategy. I’ve noticed that going to the movies on Fridays makes my weekend feel more complete because I’m too busy to do anything. many It’s longer. Plus, skipping my kids’ bedtime at least once a week takes some mental strain off my neck. The only problem? I started this habit during what Grantland once named “Dump Alley,” a time in January and February when the worst and strangest movies go out of style.
This year’s Dan Purely was tougher than usual. Post-strike, post-pandemic weirdness of the movie pipeline has everyone in Hollywood worried that 2024 will be a disaster at the box office. Between January and April of this year, Deadline warned that the worst situation would occur in the second half of 2023. There were only 31 wide releases, far fewer than those released during the same period in 2023, and no major releases. Avatar– A must-see, holiday-like production that will drag New Year’s latecomers to the theater.
There are two theaters in my town, one of which is partially closed for major renovations. Full-throttle people aren’t the type to just hold on to Oscar movies. Both of these facts will significantly increase the dump alley effect around here. As I continued my efforts, I literally realized that country of evil. My findings are below.
Week 1: beekeeper. It makes little sense that there’s one person given the power of vigilance by the government and that person is called a “beekeeper,” but it makes a lot of sense that a movie would be made about an evil con artist who deceives grandma. Makes sense. It would be fun to be owned by Jason Statham. In one scene, the villain points a gun to a beekeeper’s head and says, “To be or not to be, that’s the question.” The keeper retorts, “I decided to be.” And kick his ass. got it!
U.S. box office gross so far: $63.1 million.
Week 2: anyone but you. This romance between a law student and a finance man makes no sense except when Sidney Sweeney and Glen Powell are actually conversing. My insides were sticky at that point. My theater was full of young couples, which was strange. There’s no way anyone’s girlfriend or boyfriend will look better than either of these young gods. But what do I know! I was alone, eating a mediocre California roll and laughing out loud. On the way home, I pulled up “UnWritten” on Spotify and sang it at the top of my lungs.
U.S. box office gross to date: $87 million.
Week 3: lisa frankenstein. I can’t believe my handsome ex-boyfriendriverdale-Well, Cole Sprouse decides to make a movie where he spends 90 percent of the screen time walking around, mumbling, and being a corpse. Or can it? It was written by Diablo Cody and is a horror comedy with an 80’s vibe. I loved Kathryn Newton, who played the goth teen girl who falls in love with this dead man, but in the end, her Lisa is the one who killed the people to give Frankenstein his hand and penis. I felt a little sorry for him. I think I look a little babyish!
U.S. box office gross so far: $9.4 million.
Week 4: country of evil. This movie is about a brave special forces member who is good at walking slowly and smoothly and quickly, and it stars two non-Chris Hemsworths, and I’m often confused as to which is which. have done. The film follows the Hemsworths and fellow rugged operator Milo Ventimiglia (!) as they struggle to extricate themselves from a difficult situation in the jungles of the Philippines, where they battle some sort of evil rebel force. The politics were very ambiguous to me. Russell Crowe is a drone pilot who goes back to base and provides instruction via comms, and he’s as good a walk-on at that as they come. This was probably imperialist propaganda, but what do you think? I like it.
U.S. box office gross so far: $3.6 million.
Week 5: exorcism doll. Long conceived by Ethan Coen and Tricia Cooke, this comedy about two lesbian friends who decide to leave town and end up having an affair stars the wisecracking, loose-limbed and charismatic Margaret Qualley. was used in a very attractive manner.It was either this or try to find some joy madame web, I think this was the right choice. I did have some friends on the subject, one of whom was a Southerner who said that Qualley’s Texas accent wasn’t very good. I have no choice! I was hooked on it.
U.S. box office gross so far: $2.4 million.
this weekend, dune 2 is hit and my dump alley is terminated. However, I plan to continue this habit. Unless you live in a town like mine, where you can see a movie for $5-7 (I know, I know), or have more Friday night obligations than I do, I’ll hire you. may be difficult. But if you decide to just go see the movie no matter what, there’s something pure about surrendering to Hollywood’s mercy. Please look at me. I survived his five weeks at Dump Alley. Bob Marley: One Love!
