- Venting and gossip seem to be the same thing. However, one of them can be toxic and have a negative impact on relationships.
- One therapist said that while venting is healthy, it can turn into gossip if it’s not intentional.
- Keeping personal information private and focusing on your emotions can help curb gossip.
Gossip is all around us, whether it’s at work, in our friend groups, or in headlines focused on celebrities, and it seems impossible not to join in on a little lively chit-chat.
But no matter how common it is, gossip is still harmful, and choosing to do so can have a negative impact on your relationships, says the therapist and clinical content manager for a relationship app. says Nyla Warren. genuinehe told Insider.
She said gossip can include sharing information about someone without their consent after they confide in you, or exaggerating or fabricating a story about someone. . People may gossip to spread rumors or build connections through drama they think is harmless, but that’s not always the case, Warren said.
Gossip of any kind can hurt the person being talked about and People who gossip, she said.
“People’s trust can erode if they realize we’re sharing someone’s story or personal information,” Warren said. Moreover, you never know what impact a piece of gossip will have on someone’s life if it gets spread.
Warren said gossip is often mistaken for venting, but it can actually help you process your emotions. However, people often use the words “gossip” and “venting” interchangeably, which can cause confusion, mistrust, and hurt feelings.
On the other hand, Warren said knowing the signs of gossip and stopping them can help you create more fulfilling and connected relationships in your life. She explained how to tell the difference between the two.
Sharing personal information without permission becomes gossip
When a friend shares a dramatic personal story or confides in you, our instinct is often to tell others without asking permission. Humans connect through stories, so it’s natural to feel that urge, Warren said.
But that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy thing to do. Warren said when someone shares a story about someone else or provides personally identifying information while complaining about someone, they’re gossiping.
If you find yourself doing this, Warren suggested one mindful adjustment that can help turn gossip into a helpful venting session rather than a harmful one. That means omitting names and other personally identifying details.
Instead, tell your friend how the situation made you feel, Warren said. You can also ask for advice on what to do next, or brainstorm ideas on how to approach anonymous friends, colleagues, and family members.
If you’re trying to solve a problem, you’re going to vent.
According to Warren, venting is a way to feel heard and understood about what happened to you. It is also a way to decide how to improve the situation.
Gossip centers around other people, while venting centers around the person being talked about and the feelings they had during a particular experience, Warren said.
She believes everyone should have an “outlet friend” who can provide an outside opinion, validation, and words of encouragement if you have a lonely and emotionally charged experience that you are trying to understand.
“Sometimes something happens and you want to share it with people,” she told Insider.
If you want to vent to a friend, you can say: “I feel like I’m being taken advantage of at work. My co-workers keep talking to me in meetings, and I feel like they’re taking advantage of my ideas and pawning them off.” “I feel so frustrated. I’m angry! What do you think I should do?”
That way, Warren said, you get to the root of the problem without denigrating any particular person, and you want to be heard.
“Whether you talk to them, text them, or just don’t talk anymore, venting should help you work things out with that person,” Warren told Insider.
If you’re trying to change your opinion about someone, it’s gossip.
Warren says there’s also a risk that well-intentioned venting sessions can turn into gossip.
She said this is the case when someone shares a difficult situation in an attempt to gain favor with the person listening, rather than letting off steam and moving on.
According to Warren, if you find yourself trying to prove you’re a better person or trying to convince someone they should take your side, you’re probably whining. It is said that it means gossiping rather than gossiping.
At the end of the day, Warren said, gossip isn’t going away and we’ll probably all continue to engage in it in some way.
That’s why, she says, instead of feeling ashamed because of the gossip you’ve shared in the past, it’s better to focus on how to be more intentional about the stories you share.
