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The Oscars are a bloated carcass of culture, a hollow exercise by unimportant people trying to remain relevant.
Back in the day, when all the movies of note were only available in theaters, you needed an organizer. But now social media helps us. Every entertainment website has a watch guide that you can read on your way from the car door to the couch after work. We no longer need faceless directors to make us believe what they believe. There’s something about the Academy nominations that feels inauthentic every year, especially in an organization more rife with political gamesmanship, intrigue, and veiled criminals than the U.S. government.
I watch movies every week. I get paid to do so. I’m paid to understand them (I’m falling short on both fronts). Still, I haven’t seen every movie on the Best Picture list.
To be honest, I don’t even know what “anatomy of a fall” is. I also doubt that the people who vote for these awards have seen all of these movies.
Instead, they rely on formulas like this: Did the movie make enough money? (points if successful, more points if not) Was it directed by an actor? Are you an established figure in Hollywood who has never won an award before or needs a moment to celebrate your career? Is this how Hollywood celebrates itself? Was it experimental in any acceptable sense? Did the actor go to great lengths to pursue the perfect performance?
The more you attack, the more points you collect and the more likely you are to win a shiny golden trophy.
That’s why I would have bet all my (non-existent) life savings on “Maestro.” I got a nomination even though no one I know liked it. And it was done! The Oscars are a waste of everyone’s time and energy. They have nothing to say about art and even less influence on culture. Everyone would be better off if it was cancelled.
But if my documentary gets nominated, I’ll be there in a tuxedo and lick every boot my tongue can touch. I’m also a selfish empty shell.
But don’t worry about that. My predictions are:
best photo:I think Oppenheimer should win the award. The one I think will win is “Killers of the Flower Moon”
main actor: What I think should win: Cillian Murphy’s “Oppenheimer.” What I think will win: “Maestro” by Bradley Cooper
supporting actor: What I think should win: Sterling K. Brown for American Fiction. Who I think will win: Robert Downey Jr. in “Oppenheimer.”
Leading actress: Who I think should win: Emma Stone for “Poor Things.”Who I think will win: Lily Gladstone from Killers of the Flower Moon
supporting actress: What I think should win: Da’Vine Joy Randolph in “The Holdovers.”Who I think will win: Da’Vine Joy Randolph in “The Holdovers.”
Cinematography:What I think should win: Hoyte Van Hoytema for “Oppenheimer.”Who I think will win: Hoyte Van Hoytema of Oppenheimer
costume design: Who I think should win: Jacqueline Durand in “Barbie.”Who I think will win: Jacqueline Durand from “Barbie”
director: What I think should win: Christopher Nolan’s “Oppenheimer” What I think would win: Christopher Nolan’s “Oppenheimer”
movie editing:What I think should win: Yorgos Mavrosaridis (“Poor Things”) What I think should win: “Poor Things” by Yorgos Mavrosaridis
makeup and hair styling I think the winners should be Nadia Stacey, Mark Courier, and Josh Weston from Poor Things. Who I think will win: Nadia Stacey, Mark Courier, Josh Weston (“Poor Things”)
Music (original score):What I think should win: Robbie Robertson for “Killers of the Flower Moon.” Who I think will win: John Williams, “Indiana Jones and the Dial”
production design: What I think should win: Susie Davis (Saltburn) *Not nominated. Work that I think will win: Arthur Max’s “Napoleon”
Writing (adaptation):What I think should win: Cord Jefferson (“American Fiction”). Who I think will win: Cord Jefferson’s “American Fiction”
You’ll notice that I haven’t done all the major categories. I stuck with the ones I had seen most of the movies.John Williams has his biggest win of all time and plans to rise from here as ‘Maestro’ It ticks so many boxes that it could be a hardware winner despite being one of the most “failed in 10 minutes” movies in Netflix history.
Enjoy the Oscars, everyone.
Jack Simon is a big-time coach and writer/director who enjoys eating food while you’re broke, traveling to off-budget places, and creating art about skiing, food, and travel. Check out his website jacksimonmakes.com to see Jack’s Jitney Travelogue series. For all kinds of inquiries, please send an email to jackdocsimon@gmail.com.
